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I think we tend to live our lives in the save and comfortable manner most of the time and we do not like to push the envelope. I have decided it’s time for me to open the door and step outside and embrace what the world has to offer. I have finally accepted the fact that someone I have deep feelings for will never feel the same way to the point that we ever meet.

It has been hard but I am finally letting go of my fantasy life of being with him and I am going into a direction that most are foreign to and find it disgusting and revolting. I do not care as I am finally letting out a side of myself that I have held in for way to many years.

I am finally feeling better about the attention I am getting from such younger men and I am going to let my hair down and explore a world that is dark and dangerous to most. I find it neither dark or dangerous but exciting and so titillating that I can experiment in a community that accepts me.

I doubt “he” would  pass judgement on me for I know he has a kinky side that he has hidden for years. He as most so want to explore the sexual and somewhat deviate side of themselves. I know we are compatible in so many areas of our life, music, thoughts, kinky and so much more.

But, I can no longer let myself feel like shit because he wont come to me and I can no longer wait for a man who obviously doesn’t want to be with me. I will always want his happiness and want him to smile and feel good about himself even when he is an asshole I am still his friend.

This weekend is going to be a telltale weekend for me as I am finally opening up to the kinky side of myself and I am going to meet others that accept me as I am. Maybe, just maybe this is when I will meet the guy that makes me feel like “he” has but one can only hope and dream and be prepared for love.