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He returned around 11 p.m with a carry out from the Beach Plum, a restaurant located in Martha’s Vineyard. Who the fuck brings home a carry-out from a restaurant of that caliber? He did, he didn’t care what others thought and he was hoping I had felt better enough to eat, which I did not. The only thing I enjoy about wealthy men is conversation as I always learn from them. Their money and lifestyle had turned me off, no I do not want a fucking gold toilet seat how fucking stupid, I mean really. The old cliché about feeding the starving children never left my mind nor the pictures of a mother holding her dying child due to the lack of proper medical attention. These are the things that make me weep while the wealthy cry because they didn’t get their manicure finished before their next merger.

People are so fucked up, money has become the lover and I do agree money is helpful but has a place and should damn well stay in that place. Money doesn’t make the fucking world go round, the damn universe does and when you cannot align yourself with the universe you are completely fucked. Society is wrapped up in appearance and ownership. What the fuck all I want is a joint of primo and some earwax hash, ok a good bottle of wine as well. I don’t smoke to escape the world but the pain my body puts forth daily. I have a drawer full of pain killers which I rarely use because they make me sick, a good joint on the other hand helps the pain and control the wild bipolar episodes.

I admit it openly, I am certifiable crazy, got the papers to prove it but the cool thing is, no matter how crazy I am I am saner then most. I have found that safety is lost and respect is in the sewer. We are taught that we are surrounded by those that are safe and will guide us, ya they guide us alright, the priest guides the little boy into the locked office, the teacher guides his student to his and fucks her, police guide your ass right to jail just because they can and haven’t been fucked by their wives in days and need to take it out on someone. So many claim to belief in God, yet make no attempt to feel him. It’s a fucked up world we live in.

Ya, I’m a widow a grieving widow that needs to release all the anger that has built up over the years, I don’t hate my husband but so much want to kill the motherfucker for the things he has cheated me out of. Who the fuck doesn’t admit the number of marriages or children they fathered? Who the fuck thinks it doesn’t matter? You, well fuck you too it does matter and he had no right to lie to me, the thing I had contracted to was called marriage, marriage is a lie, it is not fluffy pink slippers and beef Wellington, nope sure the fuck is not. It’s a contract and when you enter into a contract under deceptive terms the contract is null and void.

I should have had the marriage annulled but no, I was raised in a time when you got knocked up you married and raised your children they didn’t become “hanger children”. You did not abort your mistakes you did the right thing. How in the fuck does a 34 yr. old women get knocked up first time out of the gate with a guy? Come on, some shit just beelines it’s way to us and there is no avoidance.

Love my kids I do but I am the head bitch in charge and they seem to forget it. I’ve been to damn sick to buy groceries and my social security check didn’t show up but I found a penny, a motherfucking penny under my bed. I found a 20 spot which was enough to buy pizza for the kids. You think they would appreciate it? FUCK NO, they had to argue about what the fuck they wanted on it. The pizza came and my son put it on the counter because the table was overflowing with THEIR fucking clean clothes.

My son lifted the box top and I slammed it back down with my fist and my 15 year old son said “are you fucking crazy?”, I looked at him with a smile and said yes. No one was going to eat a bite until the fucking table was cleared. They began to argue so I put the wheels of solution in motion. I grabbed the table cloth and wadded all the on it into a ball and pulled it off the table into the great room. I climbed the mountain of shit in my sundress and spread my legs and stood there pissing on their clean clothes. They looked at me in pure shock and shook their heads and said you are fucking crazy and I said yes I am and I was content with my craziness. I informed them the waste from my body was going to be in their beds since they so obviously loved farming and showed it by living like pigs. I would literally shit in their beds and they could watch, I didn’t give a fuck.

You want to play stupid, no problem I can take all their stupid and turn it on them, this was a war zone and I was not only going to win the battle but the goddamn war as well. Kids, fucking kids learn to manipulate early on. They learn when mommy says no daddy always says yes, cut that mother fucker’s balls off and hang them from his ears. I seem to have found only one place in my life for a man and that’s at the bottom of the ladder holding it while I repair the chandelier. Everyone thinks mom will get over it, she’s just a bitch but I also have stripes. I earned them when I gave birth to these two and no I do not care that I have stretch marks because art is not perfect, it’s the imperfections that make the art unique.

I walked over to the counter and picked up the pizza box and hurled it from the kitchen to the dining room and the kids went nuts, “what the fuck mom” they said as I stood there admiring the double pepperoni and cheese hanging from the dining room chandelier. They wanted to bitch fine bitch they got in all of my glory. I grabbed my cup of roobios tea and headed into my woman cave as they followed me whining “what are we going to do about dinner now, you crazy bitch?” and like sasquash I turned around and said “I don’t give a fuck, you live like pigs then eat your dinner off the floor or walls, which ever just like pigs.”

I felt liberated, I had game-I had more game then a 15 and 17 yr. old and swag, fuck I am SWAG so don’t fuck with me. I’m wealthier then fucking Oprah, who in my opinion is just another black person that has to show the white community that a black woman is strong, fuck you Oprah my 4x great grandfather fucked yours and that is how you got here so fucking blame me bitch. Blame me for all the wrong that was done on the plantation because I was obviously there beating and abusing, fuck off.
We have a black president not because of obvious lack of intelligence but because Oprah has fucking money and bought his presidency and of course the black community stepped up and voted for him because of color. Fine, guess I will just buy my next vibrator by color not variable speeds. People are fucking stupid, living in Beverly Hills is the way to go and drowning near Catalina the way to die, right Natalie?

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