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I write a lot as most of my readers know but today is a day of mourning for my family. We have to put down our beloved cat of twenty years and this is extremely difficult. My husband brought him home from work because someone had him neutered and declawed and dumped him off.

My husband was an animal lover and he knew that the cat would never survive on Zug Island (our employment location). There were raccoons, huge rats, fox and so many other wild animals that would end up killing the cat

He was only about six months old if that and he jumped in the crib with my daughter and by her side he stayed for twenty years. My daughter turned 20 saturday and we have been talking about “when the time came” to put down our beloved Bingo.

It was funny how he didn’t have a name until my daughter was old enough to give him a name. I referred to him as the “cat” because I had no desire to get close to him because I knew one day I would have to put him down.

I had a terrible experience as a child as my mother forced me to gas my dog to death from a hose attached to the gas stove. This painful event has never left me and getting to close to an animal has always been difficult for me, yet I love my pets so.

My daughter has school all day and I told her I was going to put Bingo down this morning. He is literally dieing before my eyes and he no longer has an appetite, today he couldn’t walk at all and he is extremely lethargic.

My heart breaks but I cannot let my dear cat suffer and of course he is the last one to be buried. I have buried my entire family except for my mother who had two major strokes and is basically a mental shell just existing in a body and I have a sister that is truly the devils spawn and she wreaks of evil so I avoid her.

I buried my husband April 26, 2011 and our dogs had to  be put down two years ago. Bingo is the last one left from a terrible decade filled with much pain and anger. Once he is gone there will be no more reminders of those that were once in our lives.

It is a rough day and painful and my heart aches so but I know in relieving Bingo’s pain I will be doing him justice. It is so hard to let go of our pets but death seems to have become intertwined with my own life and it is something I have actually gotten accustomed to.

Death of hopes, dreams, wishes, friendships, death of family, pets and death of life that once was. Yes, death is a must so one can grow and start anew but honestly it is so painful and sad to have to go through such required life changes.