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As a child I learned early on about the power of control through the use of pain. I was always fearful of the pain that my mother would inflict on me at any given moment if she was not pleased.

I can remember beatings from frying pans, steel brooms, match box car race tracks, wooden spoons or whatever was handy at that time. I remember clearly the bruises and being embarrassed by them and fearing that anyone would ever see them.

No matter how much she beat me I was afraid that I would be thrown into a much worse world if I said anything to anyone else. I also feared that if I said anything to anyone they would say something to my mother and the beatings would be even worse.

As I grew I wondered if knowing what someone enjoyed as much as didn’t enjoy was a way to control them. I found that feeding the enjoyment center of the brain ended up giving me much pleasure as well.

If you know what makes someone pleased and what they do not enjoy you have all the control you will ever need to make both of you happy. Inflicting pain isn’t always the answer as some may think.

Some people actually are convinced that inflicting great amounts of pain gives them power to control the individual. This is not true in many cases the one experiencing the pain uses this against the one inflicting the pain.

You may ask how this could be and the anser is weakness. If the only thing you can do to control me is to physically hurt me then you have no control at all. The mind can actually block the feeling of pain and some actually go into sub space. 

I chose to use control through understanding the desires of those in my life. The subs that I have dealt with unknowingly give me all of the power as they tell me what their deepest desires are.

Knowing this I use this to my advantage and take them to a place they have never been. So many subs have dealt with abusive domme’s that are taking out their issues from childhood or bad relationships out on the sub.

This is abuse and it is not bdsm but so many confuse the two. One thing that I am seeing quite a bit of is young girls extremely overweight looking for love in the bdsm world. They end up being pain subs and do not enjoy the pain being inflicted upon them but it gets them the attention they cannot find in the vanilla world.

They haven’t found what they are looking for other than for attention in the negative form. They confuse the top with someone who “loves” them when in fact the top has no love for that person.

Subs out number domme’s 10-1 and it is so easy to find a sub that you can take out your anger on. A weak domme or dom does this and it happens everyday and is just wrong. control is so misunderstood and the use of it is usually done improperly.

To truly control someone you need not inflict physical pain that is not desired by the sub. Even pleasure through materialism is limited and most people find real happiness by feeling desired and they enjoy hearing it and feeling the show of affection through physical means.

The power of touch is extremely desirable and can easily turn tears to smiles. When you are with the person you are meant to be with you always feel happiness. When you are with someone who is only meant to be in your life for a period of time, the newness totally wears off.

When this occurs there is no more fire you feel within your loins, you no longer cannot wait to be with that person and sexually you no longer think of being with that person constantly and making love.

When you find that one person that is meant for you your mind is always wanting to be with them, even after years have passed. The two of you fall into a perfectly fitting mold and you just know you belong together.