It seems that most of us are programmed to look for a mate very early on in life. We look for that one person that we can pro create with. We look for the one that is going to be a perfect fit for us to raise a family with and to grow with.
We are looking for someone like our mother if we are a man or if we are a woman we look for a man like our father. This is proven through psychology studies but then there are those of us that didn’t have that opposite sex figure to guide us.
We tend to grow up with insecurities that way us down and we tend to easily fall into others view of us. If someone thinks we are unattractive, fat, stupid that sticks with us for our entire lives and we think the same of ourselves.
I have spent most of my adult life in and out of therapy learning how to like myself and ignoring the words that others define me by. It’s been quite a few years that I haven’t cared what others have thought about me or said.
I accept myself for who I am and I do not fool myself by thinking I am someone I am not. I get a lot of attention from younger as well as older men and I know exactly why the younger men want to be with me.
Younger men like a mature woman because we know what we want and we tend to be more secure than the younger woman. He also knows that the older woman isnt with him for his money or station in life, for the most part.
I have found life to be a chain of pain that we continue to add another link to. We fall in love early on and we think that relationship will last forever. It ends up falling apart like an old pair of shredded jeans.
We then find someone who satisfies us sexually and we enjoy all the fucking and sucking that goes on. Then we realize that we will never be sixteen again and the sex just isnt enough to fulfill us.
Instead of thinking about that one new person in our lives in a positive way, they become another burden we do not want to deal with. It all started out as fun and games and then that person wanted more than we were willing to give.
They want a ring on their finger and one through our nose and we refuse to go down that road again. We no longer even want to have sex with that person because in the back of our minds we are wondering how to break it off.
We don’t want to hurt that person but we sure do not want them in our lives permanently either. That is what they want and we knew that long ago but we chose to wear blinders and ignore that.
Yes, we were greedy and self-centered but we also made it clear or so we thought that we were not in the marriage market. What was once fun and exciting is no longer either and we just want out.
We realize that the type of individual we want in our lives is one that is mature and experienced in life. We no longer want to spend time with the one that is young and quite fuckable, in fact we do not even want fuckable any longer.
We want stability, reliability, maturity, security and we want it with someone who compliments us as an adult. We do not want to be someone’s daddy or mommy and we do not want to raise another person, even if we have fucked them.
So how do we let them down gently? How do we get them out of our life without hurting them, too much? We use the words, it’s not you its me and you did nothing wrong, it’s just not the right time in our lives to make it permanent.
We say all the bullshit that makes us take responsibility for the demise of the relationship but it still isn’t going to help heal their broken heart. We have no choice, we must break their heart to fulfill our own with the person we are meant to be with and that person isn’t 15 or 20 yrs younger than we are.