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The 26th of April was the four year anniversary of my husband’s demise. It doesn’t matter how our relationships end they always affect us the same way. We go through the grieving process and no it isnt easy.

I lost my husband to physical death but so many loose their relationships to divorce which is another form of demise except the person is living. I woke up and mechanically I walked to my sliding glass door and peered out.

I looked  out over the field of green and the haze hung dangerously low to the ground. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I felt so lost, so defeated and so let down. A marriage is meant to last or so that is what I had thought. We share so much with that one person, so many firsts.

The pain lingers for way to long as every holiday or anniversary settles within us and yanks at our heart. Even though we may be happier apart from our other half there is so much sadness that follows us.

We need to learn to forgive each other as well as forgive ourselves because when the anger subsides the truth emerges. We must accept that we once loved that person very much and they were our everything.

When the dust settles and we are finally unhinged from our partner permanently we need to look toward our future. We need to learn to move on by ourselves, no one to care for us when we are hurting, when we are ill, when we need someone to listen.

So many say we should be happy when the divorce is finally over and we are free but it doesn’t work that way. We feel a tremendous loss, tremendous sadness as a part of our life is over and a part of us lost forever.

We realize that we shared so many important days of our lives with that person and it hurts to know that we will do that no more. We may be dating someone younger and we enjoyed the spontaneity of the relationship especially the sex.

The reality hits us that we are not happy with someone so much younger than we are and we do not want to continue living our own inflicted lie. We want a relationship with someone more our age, someone actually more like our ex.

We feel the need to live out our dream with someone closer to our age and maturity and we realize that we are getting older. We need to go after our dreams and live out our golden years with that one special person that waits in the wings for us, our dream mate, our soulmate.