Relationships are so fun and exciting but also can be a huge pain in the ass at the same time. Being a dominant, independent woman I have always relied on myself to get through life.
When I married, I slowly began to rely on my husband for different things and emotional fulfillment. When he passed away it was hard for me to be totally independent once again.
I have found being alone to be a very easy way to force one to rely only on themselves. When someone comes into your life and they try to tell you how to run your life then problems begin.
I resent anyone that does know me well or not at all telling me how to run my household and what I can and cannot allow. If you tell me that our relationship will seize if I do not change a situation in my home, well then pack your fucking bags.
I had a disagreement with my sub this week and he has been giving off quite the frost. He has been stepping back, no jumping back and re-evaluating everything he has done for me.
I tore him a new asshole and told him “how dare you tell me what I can and cannot allow in my home”. He has been counting the years, days, weeks and hours that he can be with me full time.
I told him when we began our domme/sub relationship that he was not allowed to change his current situation at home. He was informed that if he chose to change the relationship with his wife then I would be history.
I am not someone into destroying relationships and being his domme I must maintain the control of our domme/sub relationship. My sub has been peering into the shadows of his mind and not liking what he sees.
He has found someone that understands his fetishes and can feed them. He has found someone that shows him attention and affection and not in a romantic way. We can literally read each others thoughts and we get on quite well but that is as far as I will allow.
I made it clear that I did not want to get involved in a romantic relationship with him. I refuse to let a bdsm relationship turn into more than it should be. I do not believe that a bdsm/vanilla relationship can work for most people.
Being a domme isnt easy as it is up to me to keep my sub in line. By doing so I am basically forced to say and do things that make him reel in his emotions.
I do not wish to hurt his feelings but sometimes that is the only way you can guide a relationship back into safe waters. He mentioned how much money he has spent on me and the gifts he has given me.
I learned long ago never to expect anything in return when you give someone a gift. My sub wont cross the line by saying “look at what I have done for you or have given to you” but he doesnt have to now does he?
Once you mention what you have done for someone else even if you skirt around it you are still “reminding” them that you did things for them. This makes me quite uncomfortable because I went through that shit with my husband.
I have kept myself from letting others help me for just that reason as I hate being reminded they helped me. At this point I really do not know what will happen to my domme/sub relationship.
The one thing I am certain of is things happen for a reason. I know in my heart of hearts that people move out of our lives to make room for new people and I am ready for the next phase of my life, with or without my sub.
If my sub no longer wants to stay in this relationship then I will respect his decision. I will wish him well and be here for him as his friend and if he needs a mentor.
This is how relationships should end, with each person respecting the other and being there when they need someone, not on a daily basis but on occasion.