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Did you ever feel an emptiness that was outlined with loneliness  and colored with a sadness? A very strange set of emotions to feel all at once but seem to explain that unsettling feeling.

The Christmas holiday is a very tough holiday for so many and I am no exception. Since Halloween, Christmas has been promoted and pushed, no shoved down the consumers throats.

The greed that the retailers have is nauseating at best and it kills the desire for me to engage in the holiday.  Christmas used to be such a beautiful and exciting time but no longer does it hold anything for me.

The weather is in the 50’s and there will be no snow on the holiday. There are very few who have decorated their homes or businesses. Holiday shopping eludes me and I just feel blah.

I will be driving my daughter to Washington D.C. on the 18th of January which is the day after her 21st birthday. She has been accepted into the Washington Center program and she will be working for the Attorney General until May.

I will drive back myself which is about a nine hour drive and hopefully the weather will be on my side.  This is a fantastic experience for her and yes I will miss my girl.

Christmas is just so empty for me and I really wish I could get into the spirit. My sub has given me some wonderful presents which were totally not expected.

He has tried so hard to fill the gaps in my life but he cannot. As my  sub he will never be a romantic or sexual partner and that is what I miss so much. Its so awesome being in a relationship especially around the holidays as you can share so much.

I feel that I have to keep reminding him that our relationship will never cross over into something of a personal nature. I have this feeling that he wants so much more but is willing to wait.

He will be waiting forever if that is the case and I do not want to ever lead him to believe there will be more. I so badly need my own needs fulfilled but I cannot do much about that at this time.

When my soulmate is ready he will come to me and my heart will be open to him. I just keep praying, hoping and believing and yes he will appear when the time is right.