No one can know how I really feel and all of those that I have lost I am truly jealous. You no longer feel pain, loss, disappointment, sadness or emptiness. You left me and my heart has never been the same.

You look down from the heaven’s and you watch over me, you see my loneliness, sadness and emptiness . You were all my heart ever really knew as love, someone who loved me like no one ever has or ever will.

The tears cannot wash away the pain and I will never be the same.  I have tried to find love, I really have but it’s not out there for me.  It’s so hard for me to say I am jealous of you but the truth is I am so damn lonely without you.

I soak my pillow with tears of pain that roll down my face. I cannot stand the stabbing of my heart which rips open- the very thing that keeps me living. You were my everything, you were my reality and the one that kept me grounded.

You left me to fend for myself, you are in a happier place and I am glad you suffer no more. I could not stop what hurt you so and I could not rid your body of illness that would eventually take you from me.

I was so lucky to have such a loving special person in my life and it’s such a shame my children never got to know you. You taught me so much about the things that were really important and what really mattered.

You were all I ever could want in a grandmother and I miss you so much. I remember the african violets blooming on the morning that you passed and I remember the broken timer on the coffee pot begin to work on the very morning I lost you.

These were signs from you letting me know that you were safe and happy in heaven. No one could be as lucky as I to have such a wonderful person in my life. I feel so lost without you but knowing you are at peace gives me peace and I will always miss you and love you.

 

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