She had a childhood that scary movies are made of and she had spent years in therapy trying to move past the pain and disappointment of an unwanted and unloved child.
The abuse she suffered was at times considerably horrendous and the emotional damage left her fighting years of anger that had built up inside her. She never let anyone get close enough to harm her and she always kept her lovers at a distance.
Sexually, she took what she wanted and needed from the men that crossed her path and she would discard them after she tired of them sexually. Most men that she had fucked were nothing more than that, a fuck.
Some if not all had tried to own her, control her and tell her how she would act and she refused to let them accomplish this with her. The only person she truly ever loved in her life was her grandmother and she listened intently when her grandmother spoke.
Her grandmother didn’t even know the depth of abuse she had lived through and she kept her pain close to her heart. She had actually padded her heart with all of the pain and rejection she had received in her youth.
She had loved only one male in her entire life and that was when she was a freshman in high school. She was thirteen when they had met and she had fallen head over heels for him.
He was two years older than she and they celebrated his sixteenth birthday on February 5. Even after a span of over thirty years she still remembered his birthday and that my friends tells you how much he meant to her.
He was the first male that she kissed, the first male she spent any amount of time with, the first male she spread her legs for. The first attempt at having sex with him was a total disaster.
She was a virgin and he was quite tall and had a big cock for a boy his age and no matter how hard he tried to enter her, he just could not get past the barrier of her virginity. He entered her maybe an inch or two but then she pushed him off of her as the pain was just too much for her.
She refused to let him fuck her and she found her best friend under his bed a few weeks later. It broke her heart but there was nothing she could do about it other than walk away with her head held high.
Her heart had been broken and she spent the next two years trying to recover from the heart break. Her mind held all of the painful memories of her life and as the anger mounted so did the desire to get physical.
She had a sadistic streak that had grown over the years and every time she experienced one more negative experience she desired to hurt someone the way she had been hurt.
She had no desire to collect pity from anyone and when people asked about her life and she told them her story they felt sorry for her. She had to desire to have anyone shed tears for her and she refused to let anyone close.
She went through life meeting men and fucking them and enjoying the sex and good times. She never let any one of them get to close and she sent them on their way as she got bored with them so quickly.
She finally met the man she would marry even though she was not in love with him but instead carried his seed within her womb. She had reached the age of 34 and she knew if she didn’t have the child within her she would never have children.
She decided to marry the man and found out later he only married her for her financial status, which wasn’t the greatest but much better than his own. He lied to her about how many times he had been married or the number of kids he had.
She gave birth to a daughter and two years later she had a son and that was enough children for her. Her marriage was not what a marriage should have been but she stayed out of concern for her children.
She didn’t want her children to be raised without a father as she had been but many years later she finally could no longer take the bullshit. She had worked harder than any of her friends and her husband could see what a catch she was.
She worked hard at the steel mill as an electrician and she owned two mail order businesses as well. She had her own home, several cars and she worked many double shifts to pay the bills.
She didn’t know that he had moved into her home with a small car full of clothes and a huge u-haul full of bills. She had her own bills but together they were able to get financially solvent.
She was very good with money and he was just the opposite so she controlled their finances. She was able to pay off all of their bills and eventually he insisted on building a home for the two of them.
He didn’t like the idea of her owning the home they lived in and he wanted his name on property again. He only married her for the material shit and what he could get from her. She had thought material shit would make her happy but she found that to be so far from the truth.
When her grandmother had passed is when she had realized that material shit was just that shit. You couldn’t hold it, kiss it, talk to it or get love from it and she lost her desire for fancy clothes, cars and homes.
Her husband never changed though and he got off on having the best they could afford and showing off to his so called friends made his dick hard. She on the other hand was happy to see smiling faces on her children.
They built the big fancy house and they had the holiday parties and he invited everyone he worked with. They had the party of the year and so many wanted to be invited and even requested an invitation.
He thought he knew her so well but he didnt know she had a kinky side to her personality. She was sexually adventurous and in the bedroom she loved to try new things and that included bringing someone else into the bedroom.
She liked playing with wax and rope and tieing up her partner was so very exciting to her. She had wanted to put a sex swing in their bedroom along with a pole but her husband was totally turned off by that.
He refused to let her experience anything but basic missionary sex except for once in a while he would fuck her on all fours. The only time he would do that though was if he had been drinking and that was extremely rare.
He had called her a freak of nature because of her kinky side and he would insult her and put her down constantly. She so wanted to smack the fuck out of him but the kids were her top priority and she tried hard to maintain what appeared to be a healthy relationship.
As the years past her husband’s health declined and one summer he spent almost three months on and off in the hospital. He was a smoker and he had severe asthma attacks but even the attacks wouldn’t make him quit smoking.
He began to experience problems with clotting issues and he like so many other men acted as if he were fine. After weeks of complaining of a pain in his calf she finally got him to go see the doctor.
He was a charmer and spent more time charming the ladies then anything else and that included his doctor. Instead of addressing his health issue he spent his time at the doctors stroking her ego.
He ended up leaving the doctor office with the diagnosis of a muscle cramp which was so far from the real diagnosis. Another week went by and he continued to complain about the pain his leg and while at work he passed out.
They rushed him to the emergency room and the doctor there began to ask him if anything had changed with his health. He informed the doctor about the pain in his leg and tests were ordered.
Once the tests came back the doctor admitted her husband to the hospital as the results showed an aneurysm just below his right knee. Unfortunately, it was a Friday that all of this had occurred and they rarely do surgery on the weekend.
The surgeon on call was informed of his patients condition but of course being the weekend the doctor put his golf game first. As the hours passed gangrene set in and finally Monday morning the doctor realized his patient needed to have his foot amputated.
She was left with making the decision to allow the amputation or get a second opinion and of course she went for the second opinion. She told the doctor she was having her husband transferred to another hospital for a second opinion and the doctor said, “ok and when you get the second opinion we will bring him back here and I will do the surgery.”
She looked at the doctor and thought to herself, “the hell you will you motherfucker” and she began using her connections to get her husband transferred as quickly as possible.
Once transferred, the doctor told her that her husband would definitely have to have his foot amputated and he would be lucky if his leg could be saved at the knee and above.
At the time she had no idea the importance of an amputee having the knee joint saved but she found out soon enough after the surgery. Regardless of the state of her marriage she was not one to let anyone suffer and that included her husband.
Her marriage was the biggest disappointment of her life and her marriage did nothing but slide slowly into the abyss once her husband had his leg amputated. The doctor had told her that she should hope for the best but prepare for the worse and that is exactly what she did.
She brought her children to the hospital and they saw their dad before surgery and she knew the importance of the kids being with their father for what could very well be the last time.
She kissed him and squeezed his hand and told him she would be there when he woke up. She went to the waiting room and she stood looking out the window and watched as the raindrops made pathways down the window.
She followed one particular raindrop and she made the promise to God that if her husband lived she would be a better wife and mother. He made it through surgery but life would never be the same for the four of them.
She no longer had to worry about kinky sex, in fact she didn’t have to worry about sex at all as her husband had no desire for her body. Do to his health he could no longer sustain an erection and this made him feel like he was no longer a man.
She tried everything to build him back up but the damage from losing his leg gave him a long reaching arm of negativity into all areas of his life. Do to the current situation his employer had filed bankruptcy and they had been bought out by another company and he could not return to work so he ended up losing his job, insurance, self-respect and he lost himself.
Their life together had died and their relationship was nothing more than two people living under the same roof without any type of connection. She spent her days having fantasies of delicious sex because she refused to cheat on her husband.
They lived like this for almost a decade and she could no longer live this way so she filed for divorce. Her husband made her life a living hell and he used her children against her along with her own health issues.
The divorce went on for two years and then he ended up in the hospital again. She went to see him and discovered that he had leukemia and typical of him, he had no idea he was aneurysm.
She asked the doctor how long he had and the doctor looked at her and then him and he said “how long do I have? Six months? A year? and the doctor looked down as she said “you have only a month”.
The shock of what the doctor had said left her with tears springing from her eyes and she sat next to her husband and buried her face into his crotch. She was not a heartless woman by any means and to know he was dieing was just one more major blow to her.
She insisted he come home and that is exactly what happened. He came home and she cared for him as she cooked for him and took care of him. He went down hill rather quickly as the first week home he was able to walk as if nothing were wrong.
The weeks that followed took away his mobility and left him bedridden and she fed him and washed his body for him. The last two days of his life were absolutely terrible for her as he had lost all blood platelets.
This left him bleeding from his nose and coughing up blood and she had no choice but to pack his nose with wet tea bags in a feeble attempt to stop the bleeding. He expelled large quantities of blood and basically he bleed out at home.
When she would leave the bedroom for short periods to go to the bathroom or answer the door he would attempt to throw up in the bucket on the floor and miss. The blood splattered on the walls, the bed, the dresser, their bed and on the floor.
She cleaned it up without a second thought as he apologized to her and she told him do not think anything of it. She had buried other family members but she had never been subjected to anyone dining in the manner that her husband was.
It was a terrible painful time for her and as she administered morphine to him she wished he would pass quickly as the pain was excruciating to her. When he finally passed the first steps of grieving fell into place and left her drained.
She was overcome with immense sadness and then the anger set in and stayed for the next several years as she tried to piece her life back together with her children. Finally, three years after his death she was able to finally move forward in a positive manner. TO BE CONTINUED………