She was in a melancholy mood as her past decided that Easter sunday would be the day that she would once again walk down memory lane. She decided that a bubble bath would relax her and possibly giver her the escape she so badly needed.
Walking into the bathroom she looked forward to the smell of the green bubble bath, Vitabath. The smell alone reminded her of her long gone aunt who she had been extremely close to before Legionnaires disease took her to meet her maker.
Her aunt had given her a bottle of Vitabath many years ago and the aroma was so pleasing to her. She turned on the hot water and then the cold to make the water temperature acceptable to her touch.
She squirted several shots of the bubble bath into the hot water and she stood watching the bubbles appear. Stepping back she placed one hand on the tie of her robe and untied it and pushed it off her shoulders.
She then placed the robe on the granite counter top in the bathroom and then she removed her shirt, sports bra and then her panties. She only wore panties when she took her dogs for a walk and there was no rhyme or reason for it.
She slowly put one toe into the water to be sure it wasn’t to hot and then she stepped into the bubble rich water. Slowly sitting down and leaning back in her jacuzzi bathtub made memories flood her brain like storm waters overflowing a sewer drain.
As she looked up into the recessed lighting memories of dead bees came back to her. The memory came as a reminder of some of the things her husband had done when he was alive. The bees had made their way into the attic area above the bathroom and her husband had climbed the roof to find the entrance that bees had found their way into their home.
He sealed up the entrance and the remaining bees died and fell into the lense of the recessed lighting. Her mind flooded with memories and the next thought was of the day she brought her husband home from the hospital.
She had been forced into making literally a life or death decision regarding her husband. She had to decide if she would allow the Dr. to remove her husband’s foot or have him transferred to another hospital for a second decision.
The Dr. told her the news, which seemed to get worse than the information from the first Dr.not only did the Dr. tell her he wasn’t able to safe the foot let alone her husband’s leg but he would do the best he could.
She watched her husband wheeled into the operating room and the doom that came over her was suffocating. She had no idea if her husband would live let alone have any part of his leg. Hours past and the Dr. came out to tell her that her husband had survived the surgery and that the Dr. was able to safe the leg above the knee joint.
This was great news as the knee joint made it so much easier to learn to walk with a prosthetic. She sat in the tub and slid down under the water in an attempt to drown out the memories but they continued to flood her brain.
She remembered the day she brought her husband home and she remembered the solemn mood that both of them were in. He had no idea the decisions she had to make in an effort to keep him alive and he would never know the heart wrenching decisions that she had made.
She was able to escape from the memories long enough to wash her hair and body and shave the parts that were in need. She then turned on the jets and positioned herself so the jets would shoot water through the opening in her upper thighs.
The water rushed through and like every other time she had a very fast and satisfying orgasm. Once the spasms stopped she let the water out of the tub as she stood up and dried her body.
She glanced through the bathroom door and for a reason she could not fathom, the wood floor in her bedroom brought her back to the day her husband came home. She could literally see herself lifting her husband’s frail body and putting him in their bed. The pain that shot through her body was ignored until she had him safely in the bed.
Little had she known that she had ruptured two discs in her lower back while she lifted her husband. She didn’t care about herself as much as she did about the man before her, the man that she would never know.
The loss of his leg was like a cancer that ate away at their lives together. Even though they didnt marry for love they cared deeply about each other. It broke her heart to see before her a broken man, a man that would never be the same by a long shot.
This Easter Sunday was like every other Easter Sunday since she had married as Easter was only a few weeks from her husband’s birthday and ten days later the eminent death of a man taken control of by leukemia.
She usually made a ham for Easter and a lovely dinner but not this year, no this year would be vastly different. Her only daughter was doing an internship in Washington D. C. with the attorney general’s office and her son was a picky eater. She had decided to make no dinner for the two of them and instead chose to eat a frozen meal of swedish meatballs and noodles.
She preferred cooking to going out to eat or to eat frozen food items but just in case she got sick and couldn’t cook for herself she had several frozen meals in the freezer. The sadness that comes with memories of those long gone overshadowed every other emotion she had.
She had lost everyone she had ever known her as a child and the man that she created children with. She didn’t feel sorry for herself, just a sense of loss so deep and so controlling she had no idea how to crawl out of the depths of the memories.
She so needed someone to wrap their arms around her and give her some comfort but there was no one in her life that could give her what she needed. She missed sex like crazy and she missed the smell of a man, the feel of his body, the feel of an erect penis pushing against her lower back in the early hours of the morning.
She missed so much but she knew when the time was right the man that was to be part of her remaining years would walk into her life. She knew that both of them had something special to offer each other but until that day she would walk by herself and walk down memory lane while she nursed a part of her that was filled with loss and one day found.
I haven’t had a relationship with my mother in many years but I have been thinking about her for the last several weeks. She had two major strokes several years ago and she was placed in assisted living.
I have the uncanny ability to know things before they happen and I have been having a bad feeling regarding my mother. She passed away the beginning of February and the assisted living only had my home phone number.
I had disconnected my phone sometime ago and only have my cell phone and I just never got around to giving them that number. I had thought about it so many times but it just never seemed that important at the time.
The only family I have left is my sister and my children and that is where the “then there were two” comes into play. I have no extended family anymore and my sister is the devils spawn. I had told her about nine months ago that our mother wasn’t doing good and she needed to take care of the final arrangements.
My grandmother had left money to bury my brother and my sister commingled commingled those funds with her 401K. When my brother died I ended up paying for his cremation because my sister wouldn’t give me the money at the time. She finally did give it back about a year later and the rest of the funds she kept and said she would bury my mother, which she did.
My sister evidently flew to florida and saw my mother before she had her cremated and her ashes scattered over the ocean. Do you think she would have called me? Fuck no she is such a fucking bitch and will need me one day and I will not be there for her. She has done nothing but use everyone in her life and she has never been happy and never will be.
She is a lesbian that treats her lovers like shit and she doesn’t realize that when it comes down to it all she has is me. I am the only one that can make medical decisions for her, possibly give her a kidney or liver if we were a match. I am the only one that can take care of so many things for her as we are related.
She has no compassion yet she works in the medical field, she has no warmth or love to give as she is consumed with anger and hate. She is extremely successful but does that make one happy? Does that keep her warm at night? No and one day she will realize that she should have treated me with love and kindness.
I am glad my mother is finally gone as she had no quality to her life after the strokes and it was so hard for me to see her in a state of such weakness. My mother was the strongest person I have ever known and even though we didn’t have a good relationship I always carried a certain amount of respect for her.
She taught me how to care for myself and never to rely on a man. She taught me the importance of knowing how to do so many things that men do. My mother was a very mentally sick person but I have to admit she did the best she could under the conditions of her life.
You may wonder how I feel about my mother’s passing and all I can say is I feel numb. I don’t know how I feel other than I feel empty and I do not like this feeling one bit. It has taken the my mother’s death to make me accept the fact that she was a very ill woman who had no control over her treatment of others.
This is a sad day for me regardless of the anger I carried all of these years towards my mother and now that she is gone I no longer have a reason to carry such anger towards her. I have tried very hard for years to understand why she did the things she did but it no longer matters, now does it?
This is a time in my life that I so wish I had someone to hold me, someone to listen to me, someone to be there for me. This is the time in my life that I wish I could let someone into my bed to hold my naked body and caress me. This is a time in my life that I really need to have the comfort of a man’s arms around and this is another day that I am all alone and hating it.
I write a lot as most of my readers know but today is a day of mourning for my family. We have to put down our beloved cat of twenty years and this is extremely difficult. My husband brought him home from work because someone had him neutered and declawed and dumped him off.
My husband was an animal lover and he knew that the cat would never survive on Zug Island (our employment location). There were raccoons, huge rats, fox and so many other wild animals that would end up killing the cat
He was only about six months old if that and he jumped in the crib with my daughter and by her side he stayed for twenty years. My daughter turned 20 saturday and we have been talking about “when the time came” to put down our beloved Bingo.
It was funny how he didn’t have a name until my daughter was old enough to give him a name. I referred to him as the “cat” because I had no desire to get close to him because I knew one day I would have to put him down.
I had a terrible experience as a child as my mother forced me to gas my dog to death from a hose attached to the gas stove. This painful event has never left me and getting to close to an animal has always been difficult for me, yet I love my pets so.
My daughter has school all day and I told her I was going to put Bingo down this morning. He is literally dieing before my eyes and he no longer has an appetite, today he couldn’t walk at all and he is extremely lethargic.
My heart breaks but I cannot let my dear cat suffer and of course he is the last one to be buried. I have buried my entire family except for my mother who had two major strokes and is basically a mental shell just existing in a body and I have a sister that is truly the devils spawn and she wreaks of evil so I avoid her.
I buried my husband April 26, 2011 and our dogs had to be put down two years ago. Bingo is the last one left from a terrible decade filled with much pain and anger. Once he is gone there will be no more reminders of those that were once in our lives.
It is a rough day and painful and my heart aches so but I know in relieving Bingo’s pain I will be doing him justice. It is so hard to let go of our pets but death seems to have become intertwined with my own life and it is something I have actually gotten accustomed to.
Death of hopes, dreams, wishes, friendships, death of family, pets and death of life that once was. Yes, death is a must so one can grow and start anew but honestly it is so painful and sad to have to go through such required life changes.