Some of us have experienced some very painful relationship issues and those lessons have taught us to be very self protective. I have tried for a very long time to let go of all of the disappointment and loss in my life.
Yes, I am wiser and will never allow anyone to use me like I once was. My husband was a submissive, needy as hell and always looking to be more and have more then he was entitled to.
I am now trying to learn to open up and let people in, let people see the real me, let them into my private world and private moments. There is someone I have been drawn to for literally years but we have yet to meet.
What I want from him cannot be purchased only given freely and I do believe he is doing some healing himself. He is a good person that deserves to be treated in a way that makes him wake up with a smile and a lift in his step.
He is a very hard worker and always on the go but its time for him to slow just a bit and smell the roses. It has finally reached the point that both of us need to open up and be somewhat accepting of another.
At first I danced around this person but I have learned a strong person is only strong when they can let their guard down. If I never allow myself to open up than I can never grow as a person or be open to healthy relationships.
My life has done a 360 this month and I look at life much differently than I did at one time. I have walked away from a part of my life because I no longer need to feel control. I have made some substantial changes in my and I am ready to close doors.
The last material connection I have to my husband is our home and I have lowered the price just to get out of here. My rv I have done the same thing with, just lowered the price to get rid of it.
I dont know what my future holds but getting away from negative energies is my prime goal. When you divorce or become a widow it is always best to move on and leave all the pain behind.
Once I can totally let go of my past I will move on to happier times and a healthier life. I will be able to unload unwanted and unneeded painful reminders of where I have been. Then and only then will I be able to continue writing and sharing my fantasies.