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It’s not easy to let go of someone you have allowed yourself to love, no this is not a simple task but competes with the 12 step program. You allow yourself to be lied to just wiping them aside because you know they are all lies. He never calls, never emails disconnects his phone and never visits you-think the writing is past the wall and written in the sky?
You have allowed him to steal from you, lie to you, use you, manipulate you and made you feel worthless at times. Still you hang on to those words of love and promises of marriage, knowing in your heart they too are lies. Lies of the worst kind to you, emotional, deeply cutting into the soul, invading the space that you hold dear and spiritually surviving from.
You were nothing but a target from the beginning but you got under his skin and you were different from the rest. Interesting, intelligent, loving, warm, kind and so much more. Everything he wanted and more but knew he could never have.
He committed himself at youth and now reaching mid age he was too afraid to be really happy so he just played with her as entertainment that became an uncontrollable addiction.
She wasn’t like a soccer or polo game she was much more and that wasn’t suppose to happen. No she was just supposed to be a hit and go. He couldn’t walk away from her so she finally walked away from him. He wanted to hurt her because she somehow had hurt him and angered him to be beat by a woman in some way was just not going to fly.
He lured her with tidbits of kind words and support promises of love and marriage knowing they were all lies as well as she did. She had made it past the first year of being a widow and she could make it on her own and she would.
She had tried, given loved and supported him for years but it was time to hang this one out to dry and find someone who would love her to the depth she loved him. She put logic in logics place and emotion in emotions place and closed the door on the one that was holding her back.
She was letting go gracefully, no anger, no revenge, just letting it go as easily as it had worked its way into her life. Yes, she will miss the fantasy of lieing naked with her knee on his thigh, dreams are just that dreams to be left in my sleep.
